Ever since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to be "growed up". I wanted the fancy apartment (yes, you heard me right, apartment...I have always wanted to be a city girl), the big girl clothes and of course, the successful job that let me travel the world. I am now twenty-six years old and figured, I would have that life by now.
I think people use the phrase "in a blink of an eye" too casually. I know that life comes at you fast and as "growed up" as I wanted to be, that phrase just does not come into my vocabulary (unless you want to count right now...but I am not using it in the context it was intended for, so does that cancel it out?). It has been a long road, but we have to realize that I am ONLY twenty-six years old. I am not suppose to be at that point in my life, where I am ready to settle down or am I?
I guess it just all depends on who you are and what you really want out of life. I look at my life and I realized that I have already done so much. I, then, start to compare myself to others and their accomplishments thus far and how old they were when they reached their "success". However, that is not what is important because we are all on our own path. We all strive for different things and are put into different circumstances because that is who we are and what we are suppose to be. Some people strive to be wives and mothers, others strive for a career and some are just so content with failing, they sit in a hole of despair and thrive on the negativity that their lives are not going anywhere. A lot of people these days strive for the family life AND the career life.Yet, I am none of those people. I am me.
So, the question that arises next is: What do I want to strive for?
It is always a loaded question when it comes to me. In the past, I have always wanted SO much for myself. I was active in sports, dance, art, youth group, a social life and had so many things on my plate at once, I could never decide what my true calling was. I wanted to do this, I wanted to do that and I believed I could do it all. Then, I moved to North Carolina.
Do not get me wrong, it was the best choice I ever made, but I was forced to start over. I did not have the same support system I had in Grand Rapids. I did not have a college classroom to break the ice for new friends, I did not have GVDT (Grand Valley Dance Troupe) to work out my need to dance, there were not the same bars or the same friends and I lived by myself. I have spent the past two years building up relationships here in North Carolina, but my heart has always been in Grand Rapids. I think that NC was the best place for me to be because it taught me SO much about myself and the fact that I can rely on myself. More importantly, it brought me closer to God and with Him on my side and in my heart, I know I cannot fail.
My move helped me narrow down my goals and what I really wanted to do. I moved here for reasons and goals that have now changed into something completely different. Those new reasons and goals are leading me back home, to Grand Rapids. It is completely God lead and I am having an even harder time trying to put into words all the thoughts in my head. It is hard to explain something that is God lead because it is a feeling that you understand if you get it. So, excuse my lack of explanation of what is going through my head at this moment because it is something so amazing and wonderful that I just cannot put into words. I love where I am right now and I am no longer going to put goals on when I need to settle down and have all my fancy "growed up" things, because I love to live my life and that is what I am going to do.
Life does come at you fast and you have to learn to enjoy the ride. If you do not, then you are in for a world of mass confusion and you will miss out on SO many stops along the way (ok, I know that sounds a little cliche and I LOVE to be cliche, so deal with it!).
Ya'll need to stay tuned, you know I am never in one spot for long.