What is your worth? What are you living for and who are you living for?
These are questions I ask myself all the time. I feel that no matter what, I will always be asking these questions and always be reevaluating my answers. Here is the thing, everything I have done thus far in my life has been for me. As selfish as that may sound, it is true. When I say that, I mean the big decisions. For example, which college I was going to go to, why I wanted to move to North Carolina and why I am moving back to Michigan. My worth as a person can only continue to grow if I push myself to learn more about who I am and who I want to be.
When I say worth, I do not mean how much money you make, the value of your home or the material objects you own. I mean it as to who you are, what your "usefulness or importance, as to the world, to a person, or for a purpose"* is. What is your character worth? That is the real question.
Your worth is a very broad topic because you can focus on so many different aspects of your life. I know when it all comes down to it, I live my life for Jesus. I live my life on Earth so that I may have eternal life in Heaven. That does not mean I do not sin or question my beliefs from time to time, but I do believe in the Lord God, Heaven and Hell, Creation, Science and all aspects of life. I am not here to judge you or tell you right from wrong. Yes, I am a Christian, but I am no better than person A or person B. We all make big mistakes, we all sin and we all fall. I guess there is one difference, it is that in the fall, I will be caught by God.
Another aspect of worth we can focus on, is who we are. I pride myself on being independent. I make my own choices and I follow my own path. I have never not made a big decision without weighing all of my options, making a list, checking it twice and making sure I have a plan for the follow through. My worth is what I make of it. Sure, I had the chance to go to a different college because my boyfriend was going there, but why make that big of a decision based off a guy? He dumped me the next month anyway, right before the first semester of senior year was over. I have my own big fancy dreams, if the guy was important enough and cared enough, he would have stuck around.
We all want to be loved. Is that not our soul purpose in life? To find that one person we can share our souls with? Sure, I am a romantic and I fall easily when I am attracted to a guy. I am a very passionate person, but I also get ahead of myself a lot. I ruin things and say things that may be misconstrued. I say it because I want to be honest and upfront. It may be a little intimidating and against some kind of rule in "getting to know him 101", but what can I say? I honestly play out every scenario in my head of should-I-wait-or-just-tell-him-now? Sometimes, I am in a catch 22 situation and I just have to go for it, trust my own heart and not let others get inside my head. I feel I do these things and say these things to dig myself into a hole and say "well, if he is worth it, he will stick with it" or "sometimes you just have to let them go and if they come back, they are worth it, YOU are worth it."
It is a silly thing to do, to put your worth into how a guy loves you. It is silly to say things you know he wants to hear and become who you are not, just to impress him. This is another thing I pride myself on and how I measure my worth. I am me. I will not say that I like something just because he does. I will not agree with him just to agree with him. I have my own mind for a reason and I try to speak it, within reason, of course. If I do not know something, I will admit it. I do not like to play games and I do not like to make decisions based off of a crush or a relationship. I want to do what is right for me, first. Of course, if there was someone special, I would want him to stick around, but in the end, it has to be for me. Who I am and who I want to be, should impress him and make him want to be with me more, rather than scare him away. However, I do have to learn patience because I know sometimes, people just need time to adjust to who I am.
So what is your worth? I ask you this because I want you (and excuse this cheesy and cliche line) look inside yourself and figure it out. We as people, need to stick together. We can only go as far as we are worth and what we are worth has unlimited possibilities because we can achieve anything that we want.
New Mantra, say this to yourself every day. Your own mindset and who you believe you are is everything:
I am not weak.
I am not intimidated easily.
I am not ready to back down from a fight.
I am strong.
I am independent.
I am worth it.
Stay tuned, you know I am never in one spot for long
*pulled from the definition worth from dictionary.com